Recognizing Christmas

In this Advent or Christmas season, many of us have a mixture of feelings, the anxiety of looking for the right presents, of hoping we can get together with those we love, or at least a few of them, thinking maybe we will feel good about it all again, and yet yearning for more.

When Christmas comes along each year, I once again think of people who are dear to me, how much I miss them, those that are far away, or those not far, but not in touch, or those that were part of my childhood and aren’t anywhere I can call or write, those that are long gone.

I wish I had appreciated that last family gathering when they were all alive, and we had a great time together. Even my Opa and Oma were there, although both were in their mid-80s and soon to be gone from this earth. If I had only known. But when I miss that family gathering, and realize they are all gone, and that those sweet times with my own children, those, too, are long gone, is it just a sentimental longing, only nostalgia, not really about Christmas itself? I wonder.

When I look at the condition of the world, gruesome wars continuing, hopeless politics moving so slowly, or people I know facing serious medical problems, I sometimes wonder if there is a God.

But the strange thing is that those wonderings have just as much power to lead me closer to God. I remember being in an auto accident that could have been fatal. It was before seat belts. I called out, “Oh, God! No.” I think I really was calling out to my Creator, “Have mercy.”

Again, several years ago, when I had cancer, which we were told would kill me in three years if I were not treated. And if I was treated properly, the doctor said, I had a 50/50 chance of being cured. That spring, I lived with the sense that my life was held by a slender thread. But during those months in which the radiation was making me feel weak and tired, I remember feeling a close dependence on our loving God. That was eight years ago.

I wonder how many of us sense the presence of God

when we are in trouble, or

when we are in a situation and wonder whether we will survive, or

when we are dearly missing someone, or

when we look at the stars on a dark, moonless night, or

when we read the Bible.

I have a friend who delights in the stories of the Bible, and he seems to know God well. He reads the original languages, Hebrew and Greek, just about as easily as I read English. He’s not someone who is without doubts and fears; it’s just that he has more faith than fears. What can I do but, like him, hope the Christmas story is true?

When I read the Bible, especially the Gospels, I meet Jesus almost every day. I write a few thoughts about what he seems to be saying to me. Sometimes he doesn’t tell me anything in particular. He just is. And that’s the good news, too. He just is. He is more real, more loving, and more powerful than the bad things of life.

So I am waiting for a clearer glimpse of his presence again this year. I may be reminded by some wonderful music, or a few ordinary words from a faithful preacher, or just reading the words from my Bible. And I hope I can see past all the clutter, the presents, the travel, the longings for . . . whatever it is, and discover the mystery of God’s choice, and his Son’s willingness, to be small and human, to join us in this world. And I will meet him afresh.

That will be the good news for me this Christmas.